The Only Way Out is Through Parenting, Abortion, and Adoption
You are here today because of a positive pregnancy test. You may have spent the last weeks wondering why you were extra hungry and tired, and may have explained away your sore breasts as being caused by your coming period.
Then the period never came.
So, you took that “peace of mind” pregnancy test expecting it to be negative or hoping to God that it was not positive. But it IS positive.
You wanted to become pregnant, but now is not the right time, or something catastrophic happened, or the fetus has abnormalities, or pregnancy could risk your health.
There are only three choices, and you must choose one. The only way out of pregnancy is through it, whether you choose to end the pregnancy now or carry to term.
Your choices are parenting, abortion, or adoption.
To decide to parent is based on several factors: spiritual, economic, situational, and personal. What would it mean to parent for the next 18 years and beyond?
Pregnancy can bring up A LOT of fears. Is fear the main reason you are afraid to choose to parent? It is important to separate the feelings in your heart from outside fears. This will help you make your decision. The more we remove the fear, the clearer the answer will be.
Only YOU can make this decision. Feel into your newly pregnant belly. How do you feel when you feel into this new life? Can you imagine yourself as a parent? What does that look like in the juxtaposition of your life?
Now, try to look 5 years into the future. Now 10, and finally 15. What could this look like with a child? Remember, your current situation will change, regardless of if you have a baby or not. YES, it is true, that with a baby, certain opportunities may never come to pass in your life, but also other opportunities will. There is no way to fully know.
Feel into how you feel when you imagine yourself with this baby in the future. Does this feel right or not?
Another choice is abortion. The birth experience is quite rare. More than half of successful fertilizations end in miscarriage. Of known pregnancies, 1 in 4 will end in miscarriage. Out of unintended pregnancies, around 70% will end in abortion.
Most abortions take place in the first 12 weeks. You have several choices for your abortion:
- Surgical abortion: done in a clinic by a trusted abortion provider.
- Mifepristone + misoprostol abortion: a set of 5 pills taken over a 2-day period.
- Misoprostol only abortion: a series of misoprostol doses, taken in one day.
- Methotrexate + misoprostol abortion: methotrexate administered by a trusted provider, and misoprostol taken weeks later to remove the pregnancy.
- Abortion by herbs: there are ancient herbs that support abortion. They have not been extensively studied by Western medicine, but some well-trained herbalists can help with this. The risk here is that the abortion may fail, and you may wait too long to get a legal or safe abortion.
- Meditation/Prayer: Some women swear by meditation/ prayer to naturally cause a miscarriage. These cases are self-reported by women all over the world, but again, it is not a sure method of ending a pregnancy.
Now, imagine your life in 5 years if you have an abortion. What will it be like? What would you achieve in the absence of birthing a baby now? In 10 years? In 15 years?
A third option is adoption. It is on some levels a very selfless option, offering to birth a child into this world to be given to parents who long for a child. It is also not sure what sort of life this child will have, or what the adoptive parents will be like. There are amazing success stories of adoptions and horror stories.
If adoption as an option is the most attractive to you, seek out resources in your country that can better orient you to the right services. There are many options for adoption, from “closed” in which you have no contact with your child after the adoption, to “open” in which birth parents remain a figure in the child’s life throughout. Make sure you find an adoption agency that most authentically fits your needs before signing any documents or making any agreements. If you decide to choose adoption, you may have the choice to change your mind and keep the baby after it is born. It is important that you allow for changing emotions and don’t make any legal agreements that are too binding.
Feeling Into Your Choice
Feel into each option, parenting, abortion, and adoption. Pay close attention to how each one feels in your body and in your heart.
What body sensations do you notice when you consider each separately?
Feel into each option for a few minutes. What do you notice when you feel into:
Are the feelings similar or different? Are there one or two options that seem more attractive to you?